Team Me!
December 4, 2021
From Outwards to Inwards
June 3, 2022
What is a Self-Saboteur?
Notice when you want to volunteer or take up a new role, you feel like you are having a heart attack? On the one side, you are excited to learn and grow. On the other, you feel fear and uncertainty dragging you back into the depths of mediocrity.
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Your decision will depend on who wins the tug-of-war. Your Self-Confidence or your Self-Saboteur.
I’m sure you are wondering what on earth is the Self-Saboteur. We all have that voice within us which keeps on telling us we can’t do this; we can’t do that! That is your Self-Saboteur!
In this article, I will cover the following:
- What is the Self-Saboteur?
- How does it work?
- What can I do to defeat my Self-Saboteur?
Let’s begin.
1. What is the Self-Saboteur?
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The Self-Saboteur is that inner voice within us that keeps telling us not to take risks and do stuff. All of us have this voice within us.
The reason the Self-Saboteur tries to stop us from doing new and therefore scary stuff is that it thinks it is protecting us.
2. How does it work?
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The duty of the Self-Saboteur is to protect the body it inhabits from doing crazy things and harming itself. It can be likened to the ‘fight-or-flight’ response.
Our ancestors needed to instantly decide to fight or flee to save their lives. Hence a series of reactions occurred in the body making it ready for the choice of fight or flight. Your heartbeat quickens, you breathe faster, your body becomes tense, muscles clench, and you are ready to take action.
At a hint of danger, our amygdala takes over. This is the oldest part of our brain. It immediately shuts down other parts of the brain and focusses all its energy on life saving fight or flight. That’s why we are not able to think clearly or even act rationally, during these times.
However, in modern life, stress is a routine response. Our bodies get tensed many times during the day. Each time the Self-Saboteur springs into action and tries to save our life.
3. What can I do to defeat my Self-Saboteur?
Now that I understand exactly how my Self-Saboteur works, I can begin the process to tackle it and make it release its death grip on my brain.
Step 1 – Name your fears
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My Self-Saboteur works by calling up every fear and insecurity I have. It uses everything it knows about me (which is practically everything!) to stop me from going forward toward stress inducing actions.
- You are not good enough, it says
- It is out of your league, it gloats
- Who do you think you are? It taunts
Each time, I shrink back into my shell, my comfort zone. My stress levels reduce, my heartbeat comes back to normal.
The Self-Saboteur has won this round and is satisfied having done its duty.
Step 2 – Confront the fear
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So what I can do at this point is – confront that vague and nameless fear it is threatening me with.
Eg. You will look like a fool and people will laugh at you if you give your speech.
You don’t have the experience to raise your hand to organize the town hall.
Accept to the Self-Saboteur that what it says is true. After all, it has my best interests at heart.
For every fear, go through the worst-case scenario.
Step 3 – Calmly use logic to bust the fear
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Yes, I may feel like a fool. I hope people laugh at my jokes. But I will feel good having stood up in front of so many people and given my speech.
Most certainly I don’t have the experience to organize the town hall. However, I am ready to learn! Yes, it is way outside my comfort zone. I do feel scared. But I can call upon a lot of support and guidance.
My life is definitely not in danger. A little stress is good. So, Self-Saboteur, you can relax.
Slowly, by repeating these reassuring non-violent outcomes, the Self-Saboteur will relax and you will be able to use your full brain again.
Step 4 – Victory!
Congratulations! May the force be with you!
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Will I have to go through this process every time? You may be wondering.
The answer is yes.
When I confront and walk through the worst-case scenarios with each of my fears, I begin to take control back into my hands. My Self-Confidence increases when I see that even after facing my worst fear, I am alright. This makes me believe in myself more.
This is the way to build and maintain my Self-Confidence.
Rest in peace, Self-Saboteur!
Photo credit: Canva
